Bubbly Blurness

2011-06-15T13:01:00.001+08:00

my mom force to do things i dun like and she treats me like a maid!!!!!! my life is no longer my life and its definitely not the life tt i wan!!!

2011-06-15T11:59:00.002+08:00

wat can i do.. i'm tired.. i'm exhausted.. i'm jobless.. i can't show it out..

2011-06-08T14:31:00.002+08:00

i'm feeling miserable now.. feeling empty.. i'm rotting at home.. i'm jobless.. all my friends have calls from their agents and are going for interviews.. not once did my phone ring during the day..

i seriously wonder where went wrong.. i really trying hard for everything i do but not once m i able to complete it nicely the way i wan it..

i'm feeling miserable yet i can tell no one.. i dun wan to give ppl the impression tt i'm forever emo.. i dun mean to wan to feel emo.. i'm seriously feeling useless now.. even when planning for friends outing, i'll have to wait other ppl confirm their schedules..

wats wrong wif me..

2011-05-03T23:45:00.002+08:00

wat shld i do now?

i really dunnoe whether i wan to be fund accountant ma.. so fan.. if they hire me and i accept the job, i will have to do ot practically everyday and i have to come back to work during PH if the market my clients' funds are in are not having PH.. how how?? or shld i jus contact nicole straight and ask if she need anymore manpower?? how how how..

wat kind of bank job can i do tt no need do ot and no need to come back during PH plus the salary is above $3k.. haiz..

so fan now.. my first paper will start nxt fri but it seems tt i'm not prepared at all.. i jus can't seem to fully concentrate on studying like my sis can.. i jus can't stop fan-ing abt jobs..

wat can i do to stop fan-ing.. tis is really driving me crazy..

2011-04-29T23:47:00.002+08:00

why izzit that other ppl can always get help everywhere and anywhere but i always have to find solutions for myself? y izzit tt i have to noe as much things as possible? y izzit tt i can't even have the right to be irritated.. y are all these so?

jus coz i dun come from a well to do family? jus cos i'm not tt pretty? or izzit jus cos its my fate?

i've been working very hard.. i'm tired and helpless but i can't tell my bf all these cos he comment tt i'm always emo.. he thinks tt i've change.. no longer the gal whose smile is always on her face.. he thinks tt i always get irritated for nth..

i can only cry and ask God for help.. i noe i have a bunch of sisters by my side.. but i seriously dunno how to open my mouth and tell them abt all these things especially during tis exam period..

2010-08-01T22:12:00.002+08:00

fed up fed up super fed.. ppl are suppose to be happy when their 21st bday are approaching.. but i'm not.. super not.. i even got a feeling of not celebrating my bday..

i planned all my own celebration on mine very own.. my 21st bday n nobody helped me.. so independent sia.. lolx.. the only few suggestions i got was from a gal friend that is supposely ranked after my so call closed friends.. coz of her, i'm able to decide all the details n stuffs.. thx to her.. she really lighten my burden alot!

but everything didn't went smoothly after tt.. i got slow responds from everybody.. i sent my very first invitation afew wks ago, even b4 my another friend did for her celeration but till now, there is still 1 fellow tt didn respond to either all my msges or facebk invitation.. jokes.. i jus to noe sth from another friend.. tt fellow actually replied my another friend's msg n completely ignore my msg.. i laughed when i saw the msg.. even so, i stayed very calm n neutral abt it..

i was surprise today.. esther came to ask me wat flavour of cake i liked to eat.. i suddenly feel very touched.. it was like in tis kind of situation my church is currently in, i thought nobody in church wldn rmb my bday.. but i was wrong.. they rmb.. tt really light up my day.. my elder sis is another swt fellow.. she helped me in my planning for my celebration wif my family.. she is also the first 1 to ask me wat cake i wanna for my bday.. like finally.. somebody asked me abt cake.. i noe very clearly tt i wldn be having a cake for the celebration wif my poly friends but.. dunno how shld i put tt feeling in words..

i truely wonder is it a norm for ppl to plan their own 21st celebration all by themselves.. but no matter wat, i still agree wif wat jiaen told me in her msg.. its a secret shared by we 2.. lolx..

2010-05-08T18:04:00.002+08:00

taking a break from studying microecon..

feeling rather frustrated and moody todae.. i guess its cos for tis few wks i've been at home, teaching tuition and of cos going for exam onli.. kind of didn allow myself to go out to shop and play.. i was worried for my exams.. i'm really afraid.. i tink other then tokin my family members, God was the nxt tt i 'tok' to de most.. he gave me peace and strength during tis period of time.. if not i guess i wld have gone into depression.. lolx.. jus jkin.. depression is abit too serious.. lolx..

And of cos, Dear gave me alot of support and encouragement also.. lolx.. although i keep 'shooting' watever he said.. lolx.. Dear promise to pei me go shopping, play n eat all i wan after my exams.. wahaha.. i will rmb de.. wahaha..

2010-05-05T23:43:00.002+08:00

it has been quite some time since i last blog.. i pratically M.I.A from tis blog.. was busy wif my studies and teaching tuition..

had my poa n cf paper todae.. super demoralize.. although i noe i tried my best but somehow i'm still very disappointed wif myself.. disappointed tt i didn put in more effort in studying the last few lectures for cf when i had a feeling tt the paper might be concentrating on tt area.. disappointed wif myself for not being able to 'fa hui' my normal ability of doing poa..

i kept telling myself tt i did my best and tt i had commited the papers into God's hand and tt i shld trust in God.. however, i still can't help but to allow a few drops of tears to roll down my cheeks..

i dun wanna repeat any modules.. i onli wanted to get a gd degree to show ppl tt i'm at least gd at sth..

i cried..

2010-01-14T12:47:00.002+08:00

yeah.. finally finish all my antibiotic..

great.. i jus told my mom tt i'm tired of studying.. i told her accounting is also not wat i really in love wif.. lolx.. actually i dun really noe wat i like to study.. i dream of being a vet but i noe very clearly tt i'm poor in sci.. i like to take care of children but tt kind of jobs wldn pay much.. thought of being a beautitian but i'm not tt pretty wif not much of a figure.. lolx..

but i told my dad last nite tt no matter wat i will still try my very best to finish my degree in accounting n finance wif a first class or second upper class honors.. lolx..

tis is really studying to live man.. lolx..

2010-01-09T10:34:00.002+08:00

been not feeling well tis whole wk.. the whole thing started wif a massive lao sai on sun which lead to a weird sore throat which my sis suspect to be my throat muscle ache.. it shifted from left to right and back to the left side.. tt lasted for 3days..

jus when i thought its recovering, the flu bug hit me.. i started dry coughing and had massive phelgm stuck all at my nose there.. there was no way i cld blow it out or swallow it down.. it led to a weird feeling inside my head.. its sth like headache.. but its not really pain.. its like dizzy dizzy.. like my brain lack of oxygen due to my block nose..

everything got worse on thur.. my 'da yi ma' came.. i thought it will not affect me much so i jus went to teach tuition as usual.. but my head got more dizzy and pain.. my student was super naughty tt day tt i cldn stop scolding him.. i cried when i reached home.. it was unbearable.. i really wanted to bang my head against the wall.. i didn really eat much for dinner.. went to slp after some medicine around 10plus.. didn't really slp cos i was coughing the whole nite..

i thought i will recover when i wake up but was wrong.. although i felt much better, but my head is still dizzy, my nose was still blocked and i was still coughing madly.. i told myself no matter wat muz recover as soon as possible.. so i tried other possible way.. i force myself to keep drinking water.. a gd way though but it onli minimise the dizziness..

fri nite my dad told me to go see a doc on sat morning.. i told him if eating panadol still dun help i will go see.. waking up tis morning i thought the panadol had cured my illness.. so i didn went to see the doc.. but i was wrong again.. it came bac after i wake up for like 1-2hrs.. i cried again.. i cried for being so useless.. small little illness yet i can't recover within 1wk.. wasn't able to really do my revision and assignments..

can someone teach me wat i can do.. i really cannot take it le..

2009-12-07T14:55:00.002+08:00

jiayou jiayou janice!!!!

i onli wrote 2 para for my FI assignment 2 n i start to feel restless.. dunnoe izzit cos i slept at 2am in the morning or cos i seriously dunnoe wat to write for my assignment.. tis module is driving me crazy.. i seriously wonder how many percent of the lectures of tis module actually stays inside my head..

i somehow feel tt my goal of first class honours is getting further n further away from me..

dunnoe y so restless for tis mth.. i'm like kind of busy.. partly for my own stuff n partly for other ppl stuff..

have to stay really focus.. i can't afford to lose anymore time le..

or can i not aim for a first class? lolx..

2009-12-07T13:13:00.002+08:00

tis morning looking at my closet i felt a sharp pain on my chest.. whenever i didn stand straight n breathe in deeply, i will feel a sharp pain as if one of my rib bone had broke and is poking my lungs.. after tt no matter sit or stand i will try to keep my back straight so as not to make the condition worse.. but thank God.. i feel better now.. dunnoe y suddenly like tt..

i can't help but keep recalling a part in ytd charity show.. the 6yrs old blind korean gal.. i seriously watch her performance until wan cry.. its so touching.. even though her current mother knew tt she was blind, she still adopt her when the little gal was 1mth old onli.. her mother so wei da.. her talent in music was onli found out at the age of 2.. the piece tt she played ytd was super.. cldn even tell tt she didn went thru properly training in music.. although God let her come into tis world without eye sight, but God blessed her with great talent in music..

2009-11-30T19:38:00.002+08:00

i wanna cry le.. i dun even feel like going china.. but tt is the onli solution for my auntie to go.. its so obvious tt my dad is hinting me to go jus to solve the prob.. all coz of my stupid idiotic younger sis.. i hate her.. initially she say she wanted to go de.. now last min say dun wan go.. all her fault all her fault.. i alrdy super bu shuang her le.. now she make me more bu shuang her..

i super feel like crying now.. but i can't.. cry also no use.. my dad book the tour le..

jus now i called my dad to say maybe i cannot go then he say he called my auntie le cannot dun go.. idiot la.. my younger sis also did tt tt time.. y i cannot..

i hate my life..

2009-11-24T16:56:00.001+08:00

i'm still very upset by wat my dad did.. i sort of cried myself to slp.. and i nearly cried in lec todae when i told kaka abt it..

thx kaka.. i feel alot better wif ur love surrounding me.. lolx..

2009-11-23T22:23:00.005+08:00

I HATE MY DAD!!!! I HATE HIM I HATE HIM I HATE HIM!!!!! ARH!!!!!!! TOLD HIM TO WAIT FIRST LIAO LOR.. I LOOKING AT A VIDEO THEN JUS THROW MY CUP INTO THE DUSTBIN.. I HATE HIM.. WAIT WILL DIE IZZIT.. I HATE HIM I HATE HIM!!!! FROM YOUNG HE HAS NV BEEN FAIR TO ME.. I HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE TO THE MAX!!! NXT TIME MY TURN TO THROW HIS THINGS!! HE BETTER WATCH OUT！

2009-11-19T22:45:00.002+08:00

was on facebk the whole day.. didn feel like doing tut or studying..

i'm not emo-ing.. its jus a feeling.. jus suddenly feel like i lost the ability to plan n do everything as detailed and as thoughtful as i can in the past..

but i will try my best.. maybe abit too long nv plan things le.. rusty le.. lolx.. jiayou!!!

2009-11-19T13:55:00.001+08:00

sobx sobx.. my right hand de skin started peeling.. dunnoe izzit my sch lec hall too cold n dry for my skin.. sobx sobx.. my hand not nice le.. need to go buy portable lotion to sch to apply le..

2009-11-19T00:00:00.003+08:00

its been like 18hrs since i last slept.. very tired..

wasn't feeling very gd de whole day.. was having serious flu during FI lesson.. lucky not onli me.. so i was the onli one make 'noises'.. lolx.. but tt flu wasn't onli jus flu.. i start feeling gong gong.. after tt didn really concentrate on the lesson.. haiz..

vomited when i was bathing.. tt was like finally i vomited.. lolx.. tt awful feeling make me so xing ku.. wan vomit but cannot.. didn really quite understand y i vomited instead of having headache.. i didn do much of physical exercise.. recently i tink i onli over-load my brain.. hmm.. weird.. lolx..

but having flu n vomit is better then headache.. i hate fever, sore throat n headache de most.. tis 3 i cannot tolerate.. lolx..

i guess i shld let my body rest now.. tata..

2009-11-16T13:22:00.002+08:00

i hate it i hate it.. i hate it the most when ppl mess up my notes..

my micro notes are not in order now.. its all messed up.. i'm super super upset.. i spend so much time sorting n printing all the extra notes.. but my friend jus mess up the orders when i lend it to her..

ARH!!!!!!!!! i didn wan to blame her.. but i'm feeling super upset.. i have to spend time rearranging the notes again..

i dunnoe why she can mess it up when i arrange it by chapters.. its not as if chapter 2 extra notes has wat is needed in chapter 4.. ARH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

i alrdy have so much things to do le.. my FI assignment 2.. my undone tuts of cf n poa.. my revisions.. i onli manage to finish boony's guest list tis morning n settle wif gil jialin's bday schedule..

so many things had piled up.. i guess tt y i shed tears almost every nite unknowingly when i'm slping.. i do get tired de.. my parents jus tinks tt i'm a free-loader..

2009-11-12T20:18:00.002+08:00

i tink sth is wrong wif me.. but i dunnoe exactly where.. i keep throwing my temper todae.. for no reason i guess.. dunnoe y.. seems to be frustrated due to sth.. but i cldn rmb.. jus feel like i'm jus wasting my life.. maybe cos i rot too much at home? but i was studying and doing my assignments at home.. hmm...

2009-11-12T00:10:00.002+08:00

dunnoe y i hear the tune of tis song i jus feel sad.. feel like crying.. lolx.. i'm very sure i'm not emo-ing.. lolx.. jus dunnoe y..

2009-11-09T15:05:00.002+08:00

lolx.. YES!! i change my music le.. change to DBSK de songs.. gracia influence me.. lolx.. she keep telling me their songs nice.. lolx.. actually is really nice.. lolx.. make me kind of hook up le.. lolx.. didn noe i can manage to change the music myself without having to trouble anyone.. lolx.. hope tt u all will enjoy the songs.. lolx..

2009-11-04T21:08:00.002+08:00

Dear's 14th day of confinement in Tekong..

Wahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha... finally the 14th day le.. YES!!! Dear booking out tml le.. finally.. oh man.. 2wks of separation is seriously long.. lolx.. gd thing is tt i'm busy wif tests and assignments tis 2wks.. so time actually passes quite fast.. lolx..

actually wanted to go 'fetch' him tml de.. but after much consideration.. i tink its better to let him go home rest ba.. so have to ren until fri then can see him.. lolx.. wahaha.. i very evil.. i want to take a pic of his botak head.. wahahaha..

super tired now.. 2 full day of lessons plus tuition.. my student even cried todae.. he told me tt his scare of his chi paper tml.. he scare he cannot pass then cannot go pri 2.. faint.. in the end i ended up staying abit longer to 'impart' him those small small techniques tt will aid him to pass his chi paper tml.. hope he rmb to use them and not panic when he see the paper..

didn get bac my poa test paper todae.. wonder when will balwant return us the test paper.. i want to noe how i fare..

2009-11-03T22:42:00.002+08:00

Dear's 13th day of confinement in Tekong..

super duper tired.. nearly fall aslp during tuition.. dunnoe y todae especially tired.. although usually tue is a tiring day for me but not to the extend of going to fall aslp during tuition.. dunnoe izzit sth wrong wif my body.. i wonder can my body take it tml cos tml still got tuition.. the last session b4 my student's chi paper and b4 he goes off for his 2wks break from tuition.. jiayou!!!

tml shld be getting bac my poa test paper.. abit worried.. i tink i demand too much from myself for poa le.. i really hope i can get full marks but somehow although i manage to balance, the balance sheet still looks weird to me.. haiz.. if cannot get full marks also cannot help it..

micro test todae was ok.. but i didn manage to finish my last Q.. got stuck halfway.. hopefully can pass.. lolx..

oh yes!!! thur is coming!!! Dear is booking out le.. YES!! looking forward to fri... 2wks nv see Dear le.. first thing to do when i see him is to hug him (provided not many ppl looking).. wahaha.. i shy ma.. lolx.. but i seriously need a super big hug from Dear..

off to slp le.. need to replenish my energy for another long day tml.. jiayou!!!

2009-11-02T14:37:00.002+08:00

Dear's 12th day of confinement in Tekong..

i feel like crying.. i am trying so hard to study for tml de microecons test and my mom keep asking me how to msg my sis when i taught her like 3times le.. y she always do tt to me.. i'm not her onli child but she always ask me to do tis and tt.. do she noe tt i m always deprive of the chance to use the laptop at nite cos both my sis will always snatch it to do their reports n projs.. do they noe tt i also need to use the laptop to study sometimes.. i dun understand y they can do tis to me.. it doesn mean tt i dun study in nus then i dun need to use the laptop.. another prob is both my sis onli noe how to use the laptop but dunnoe how to maintain it.. i'm always the one doing the disk cleanup and stuffs.. always me..

jus suddenly feel tt wat i have done for tis family have not been recognize..

my family members and ppl keep saying tt i m not pressurize in terms of my studies.. i felt hurt.. i dun show tt i'm pressurize doesn mean i m not.. my pressure is not where far from my sis.. at least their degree is frm nus.. mine's not.. i have to fight for a first class honors for my degree to be considered same lvl as their degree.. i'm working very hard also.. but nobody seems to realize it..

i noe i shldn be feeling tt cos God place everyone on earth for a purpose.. its jus a sudden urge to say out how i feel cos i'm feeling abit tired.. studies tired ppl mentally..

Dear.. i miss u.. i need ur shoulder to rest b4 i continue wif my journey..

2009-11-01T22:51:00.002+08:00

Dear's 11th day of confinement in Tekong..

cool man.. I now using my younger sis de hp to blog.. lolx.. first time using hp de wi-fi.. of cos is tapping on my hse de wireless la.. lolx.. no choice.. my elder sis using the desktop while my younger sis using the laptop.. since my younger sis ask me to help her waste her hp batt so I decided to blog.. hehe..

got dear's present wif me now.. pastor chung howe shared the present wif me cos he also wants to get dear sth.. I flip through the bk n found tt its a gd bk.. its a bk on what old testament heros want u to know about life n leadership.. indeed a very encouraging bk.. dear, I dun mind reading it wif u! thanks pastor chung howe!

finally dear is coming out! 2wks is really long.. although dear still having sore throat but he's feeling better le.. dunno watching movie wif him on Fri is a gd decision ma cos from tis few days msg can sense tt he really need a gd long rest.. haiz.. will seriously reconsider the plan for Fri.. nth is more Impt then dear's health n letting him to have ample rest..

2009-10-31T10:35:00.002+08:00

Dear's 10th day of confinement in Tekong..

YES!!! finally get to go out wif gil, gracia, phua jia, yt n kaka.. lolx.. so long nv go shopping wif them le.. tis few wks keep on busy wif sch work, tests and other stuff.. will be going orchard.. kaka say want watch movie so can use her bday discount for her GV membership card cos todae last day of oct le.. lolx.. wonder wat will we be watching.. hope is one of the movies tt i want to watch.. lolx..

i feel happy.. even though i msg Dear not to call me to save batt, he still called me ytd.. lolx.. didn noe he wants to hear my voice tis much.. lolx.. or maybe cos i flood his inbox wif msges.. lolx.. hope his sore throat is getting better.. ytd hear his voice weird weird de.. lolx.. he say sometime got voice sometime no voice.. haiz.. let ppl worry onli.. no choice.. there's nth i can do since he's at tekong.. i can onli keep on forcing him to drink herbal tea when he comes out.. but i guess sore throat is better then big injuries ba.. lolx.. i believe he will take super gd care of himself de..

as for his face ma.. he say he exposed to too much sun then all his pimples come out.. my task now is to help him tink of how to reduce the amount of pimples on his face when he comes out.. wonder will applying aloe vera helps to reduce it anot since aloe vera got cooling effect.. provided his pimples are really due to the exposure of too much sun..

2009-10-30T14:40:00.002+08:00

Dear's 9th day of confinement in Tekong..

Finally found the time to clear the mountains of notes piled up on my table.. lolx.. my table looks neater now.. lolx.. sian.. dunnoe y dun feel like doing anything now.. although my micro notes is jus infront of me, but from time to time i onli 'peep' at it once or twice.. lolx..

going for tuition soon.. hopefully my student will be gd and not restless todae since he will onli finish sch at abt 4pm and my tuition is at 4.45pm.. he shld.. since he was the one who requested to change it to todae instead of tml.. lolx..

Although Dear haven recover from his sore throat but i can sense tt he's coping well inside tekong.. lolx.. seems to me like simple washing of clothes shld not be a prob to him now.. lolx.. y dun army teach guys how to cook too.. lolx.. train them to further lighten their wife's load in the future.. wahaha.. too bad they dun.. lolx..

2009-10-29T19:52:00.002+08:00

Dear's 8th day of confinement in Tekong..

i onli manage to finish half of my assignment Q tis afternoon.. no.. actually is tt i got all the info needed typed out.. but haven sort and select yet.. dun tink will be able to finish by tis wk..

my tuition kid really drain my energy.. 1Q i have to explain more then 2 times then he understand.. i seriously think tt there might be sth wrong wif him.. lolx.. oops.. shHh.. hehe.. still hope tt he will pass all his exam man..

finally will be able to go shopping on sat le.. wonder will i shop halfway then start to miss Dear ma.. cos i mostly go shopping wif him de.. haiz..

Dear msg me ytd say he got sore throat.. lolx.. so funny.. i jus recover frm it then he got.. lolx.. more funny is tt he told me one of his bunk mate got bring pi pa gao go inside then afew of them drink pi pa gao.. wahaha.. oh man.. who will thought of bringing pi pa gao go in sia.. tt person pro.. lolx.. or shld i say tt person's mom pro.. lolx..

one more wk for end of Dear's confinement.. yeah!!

2009-10-28T17:18:00.000+08:00

Dear's 7th day confinement in Tekong..

Yeah.. I recover le.. my throat no longer feel itchy le.. i'm no longer coughing le.. Yeah Yeah!! POA test over le.. manage to balance the balance sheet at the last moment but dunnoe whether my ans correct ma.. cos it seems weird to me.. lolx.. but anyway its not counted in my final grades.. lolx..

i dun understand sth.. todae go my way home on bus and on train, i saw alot of 'koala bear' (bf hugging their gf).. izzit a common thing tt normal couples wld do? i onli 'koala bear' once.. jus cos tt day i not feeling well.. is tt a gd thing or a bad thing? lolx..

Dear coming out nxt thur evening.. initially wanted to go fetch him then pei him go home de.. but like tt in the end he will have to send me home then he cannot rest.. so plan cancelled.. he's going bac in on sun.. haiz.. y can't they let him out in the afternoon.. haiz..

feeling tired after 2 busy sch days..

2009-10-27T20:59:00.002+08:00

Dear's 6th day of confinement in Tekong..

Still sick..

Have been coughing the whole day.. my throat still feel itchy n dry.. i kept drinking water and going toilet in sch.. i even bought mint swt to eat to stop coughing.. when will i then fully recover.. haiz..

poa test tml.. study until dun feel like study le.. leave it to the hands of God ba.. lolx.. after poa test have to start studying for micro le.. nxt tue is micro open notes test.. although is open notes, i feel tt maybe i shld test myself on how much i have learnt.. so will still study for it.. lolx..

Dear whole day nv reply my msg le.. seems like he's having a busy training day todae.. feel happy for him cos its better then him looking at ppl train.. so i dun mind him not replying me.. lolx..

2009-10-26T15:23:00.002+08:00

Dear's 5th day of confinement on Tekong..

*YAWN* so sian.. lolx.. study poa theory until very sian.. no choice.. aiming for 100marks.. but abit funny.. y m i aiming cull marks when its not even included in my final grade.. lolx.. crazy me.. lolx..

my table now is full of notes for my 4 modules.. had been onli reading FI for the past few wks and studying for poa test from last wed till now.. sry micro and CF.. will start touching after the poa test which is on wed.. lolx..

feel like cutting my hair but i jus cut my hair like around 2 mths ago.. izzit too fast? maybe i shld jus wait for one more mth.. lolx..

wonder wats Dear doing now..

2009-10-25T23:39:00.002+08:00

Dear's 4th day of confinement in Tekong..

First of all..

Thank God tt my 'going sore throat' symptom didn turn into sore throat.. i'm recovering well.. hopefully tml will fully recover..

didn do much todae except slp and study.. and of cos not forgetting tt i went to church in the morning.. todae's msg has somehow gave me the urgency to do sth.. which will affect my future.. i gathered all my courage and decided to take one step out.. Pray tt it will be a gd start..

Dear msg me tt ytd his bunk mate accidentally hit one of his eyes with the corner of an envelope.. then his eyes red red, very irritating.. when i saw the msg abit worry for him.. hope tml he wake up his eyes ok le..

afternoon tt time he wasn able to join in some of the training cos he was exempted from training tt involve his lower part of his body.. but can see frm the msg tt he wanted to join them very much.. so i asked him to ask his sir whether he can join those activities tt he think his hip joints can take it de.. he told me tml then will noe the result.. will pray for him de..

will continue to be his strong and independant little gf.. lolx..

2009-10-24T23:06:00.002+08:00

Dear's 3rd day of confinement in Tekong..

dunnoe y tis morning wake up jiu feel super sian.. have to spend my sat morning going bac to the crazy expo sales for more cheapo things (forced by my parents) and the rest of the day studying.. sian ar.. its really a sat wifout dear..

i guess i too heaty le.. i even ate mac for dinner.. naughty me.. have to suffer now.. sore throat.. sobx sobx..

a restless day for me.. didn really study much.. slept abit.. seems like sth missing.. lolx..

had a short chat wif dear around 10plus at nite.. told me he had a busy n tired day todae.. he also learned to clean alot of things.. lolx.. hearing his voice makes me miss him more.. lolx.. i guess i will get used to it soon.. lolx.. hopefully..

2009-10-23T19:12:00.002+08:00

Dear's 2nd day of confinement in Tekong

Had a tired and crazy day today..

my mom woke me up early in the morning to ask me go to tis crazy sales at expo wif my sis..

Promotion: $10 fan n rice cooker, $5 hair dryer n iron, $5 for 5kg new moon rice, $2 for 2kg new moon oil, $1 for a can of luncheon meat n 50cent per longan can..

then jus nice my living rm fan spoil le.. so no choice have to go to the crazy sales for the $10 fan..

I practically is squeeze here and there in order to snatch a fan.. super crowded la.. even pay money need to cut Q de.. the Q is super duper long.. my poor sis had to Q for the food sales.. but when reach our turn no rice le.. so we bought 2 2kg of oil and 2 cans of luncheon meat.. then my sis overheard the 2 guy or shld i say 2 boy workers whisper to each other tt they dun mind help us carry all the heavy things and send us home.. wahaha.. comical la.. Dear dun jealous wor.. lolx..

i left my hse at 10.15am but reach home onli at 2pm.. i carried the trolley and climbed 2 over-head bridge.. practically exhausted.. lolx..

Dear msged me in the afternoon telling me how slack he is.. lolx.. his 7wks of BMT will turnout to be onli 5wks cos for the 2wks of confinement will be slacking.. lolx.. shld i say he lucky? lolx.. i guess he wldn be of much diff after the 2wks confinement ba.. lolx.. i looking forward to see his botak head wor.. lolx.. he told me over the phone tt his hair now very fun to play wif.. lolx..

missing him more each day..

2009-10-22T20:48:00.002+08:00

jus now on my way home from tuition, i seriously very afraid tt i might faint on the street.. the weather is really super hot.. i keep stoppping to rest my jelly legs n keep drinking water.. my 'yi ma' really noes how to torture me..

Dear's first nite in tekong.. wonder if he's coping well..

2009-10-22T13:00:00.002+08:00

montly torture.. my leg feels jelly again.. lucky i look better then a white sheet of paper.. if not lata my tuition kid xia dao.. lolx.. Thank God tis time not sun.. i can rest at home for 2 full days other then going for tuition.. lower the risk of black out.. lolx.. promise Dear tt i will take gd care of myself de..

2009-10-22T11:55:00.004+08:00

Dear's 1st day of confinement in Tekong..

went to have dinner wif him ytd after sch.. cos wldn be able to send him off to tekong todae.. wanted to spend more time wif him b4 he goes in.. sobx sobx..

msg him tis morning b4 he went in tekong.. abit se bu de.. but like wat he said.. 2wks will be over very fast.. hopefully so..

so during tis 2wks.. he jiayou in tekong, i concentrate on studying..

promise him last nite wldn cry de.. so i definately wldn.. lolx.. its not as if he wldn be coming out.. lolx.. a little separation is actually not a bad idea.. at least it makes us realise how impt we are to each other.. lolx..

looking forward to the day he book out..

2009-09-11T20:26:00.002+08:00

my dad touched on tt topic again.. he asked me to ask ' him' to go church again.. its not as if i nv tried b4.. we always end up ' quarrelling'.. my dad say till now he dun approve 'him' jus cos of tt reason.. its not as if i dun care.. its jus tt i'm tired of trying..

i also wan him to get approval frm my dad.. but he seem not worried.. frm time to time, there have been evidence of the existance of chirst.. but somehow.. i tink i dun have de persuasiveness to let u open ur heart to get to noe more abt it..

nevertheless i will still continue to find new ways which will interest u to open ur heart to it..

JIAYOU!!!

2009-09-10T11:40:00.007+08:00

First of all..

Thank God for the life i'm having now..

Able to further persue my studies.. having a tuor job for my allowance..

......................................................................................................................................................

i'm wondering did i exchange my true self for a chance to persue a life tt is percevied as a bright future?

i noe very clearly myself i'm not the old janice anymore.. and i can't help it..

But the new janice is not bad too.. she tinks really deep.. buries everything deep in her heart.. and finds every chance n opportunity given to her as a gift from God..

last but not least..

she noes how to be happy even when she is all alone..

i'm doing gd.. i guess i've grow up..

JIAYOU!!!

2009-08-12T18:02:00.002+08:00

Todae is my birthday.. a plain birthday this year.. went to sch in the morning.. came home for lunch.. sit infront of the laptop and rot.. lolx.. unique.. lolx.. i guess maybe cos i over celebrated my birthday the previous 2 yrs ba.. lolx..

althought i had 2 birthday celebration this year (which was fun).. but somehow.. i still feel that something was missing.. lolx.. weird.. was it cos i ate lesser cake tis yr? or was it i received lesser presents tis yr? or was it tt i didn get to have a celebration on tt special day itself? lolx..

but i'm still happy cos i'm officially 20 years old.. lolx.. i grow old le.. shld i say more mature le? lolx..

HAPPY BIRTHDAY JANICE!!!!!

2009-07-09T20:39:00.003+08:00

sad..

I baked an apple cake todae..

hoping tt i wldn be disappointed again..

but sad to say.. i dun tink i suitable to make pastries..

my apple cake taste like mooncake festival de 猪仔饼..

abit harder then normal cake.. with de same smell as khong guan blackcurrent biscuit..

disappointed.. most of de time my cookie will turn to become cake..

dunnoe y tis time my cake has de sign of turning into cookie..

i guess i shld jus give up..

2009-06-22T19:46:00.002+08:00

first time in my life tt i dun feel happy for the gd results i obtained for my bridging course.. i passed my bridging course which mean tt i onli need to study 2yrs in uni and is exampted frm 4 units..

but i'm not happy..

i'm still jobless.. which means no allowance for uni..

miss the time when i have allowance..

someone keep saying i emo..

it's not emo-ing.. its sth i guess u still dun understand..

dun ask me.. i dunnoe how to ans u..

2009-06-05T16:17:00.002+08:00

stress.. tired.. exhausted..

been studying non-stop for the past few days.. studying for nxt mon and tue bridging exam..

y m i so hardworking?

cos my dad say, 'u die die have to pass the bridging exam!'

my stress came frm there.. my mom have been nagging at me to study for the past few days..

the end result is: making weird noises and tokin rubbish at nite when both my sis and my dad came bac frm work..

my sis sort of worried for me.. cos she noe my capacity for stress is very small.. lolx..

i'm scare although deep in my heart i noe i will make it de..

i seriously wonder will i be able to survive the nxt 2yrs wif accounting and finance module...

actually thought of being a beautitian.. y? cos my mom often ask me to help her dye hair (she did tt jus now) or make her nails (when my skills is seriously not tt up to mark)..

i tink i start to tok rubbish le.. lolx.. will continue to hang on till tue..

2009-05-25T18:28:00.002+08:00

I have officially graduated frm NYP!! lolx..

todae morning was the graduation ceremony that we all waited for so long.. was initially not nervous de until alex say sth.. he scare he fall down on stage.. then i keep tinking abt it.. cos my heels although not very high la.. but also not very short.. so abit scare scare.. lolx..

i wonder izzit cos its the ceremony for business sch so both the speaker touched on the topic of the recent financial crisis.. i nearly fall aslp.. lolx..

had makeup on todae cos its a 'special' event.. i did apply abit of shinning eye shadow on my eye lid but i guess too little to be seen by ppl.. lolx.. took alot of pics.. waiting for everybody to upload now cos i didn bring my camera.. lolx..

overall.. the ceremony was ok.. was really very happy todae.. lolx..

2009-05-18T16:07:00.002+08:00

i tink singapore government very stupid.. stupid to the max.. how can they do tt to poly student.. my sis called me jus now.. she told me say if i going to apply the same job as her (working in airport, help ppl inside the departure to use the automated machine thing), i will be paid lower then her cos government agency doesn recognise DIPLOMA!!!! ARH!!! i hear liao i super angry.. wats wrong wif recognising diploma.. ain't we human too.. in wat where are we inferior compared to A lvl students.. don't we somehow contribute more to the economy then A lvl students? they y shld the government charge us more for travel fares? i simply dun understand.. i simply tink they are brainless and tis pissed me off.. i'm not going to work there.. i dun believe i cannot find better job then tt.. ARH!!! leave tis bimbo job to their so call future ba.. humpf!

2009-05-06T16:56:00.003+08:00

went to cut my hair jus now.. shldn have ask auntie to cut 1inch.. cos i find it thin and short now.. sobx sobx..

lucky i cut it around 3wks b4 graduation = ample time to grow my hair (wahaha)

but somehow i feel lighter now.. hehe..

maybe it will help me absorb econs and math faster.. lolx..bridging really very difficult.. time and brain juice consuming.. oh ya.. and holiday consuming.. there will always be lessons on public holidays de.. dunnoe y the teacher dun rest de.. but for the sake of skip a yr.. i muz perserve on..

i tink dear is getting more emo each day.. i tink i passed it to him somehow.. DUN EMO LE DEAR DEAR! everything will settle by itself when the boat reached the jetty.. lolx.. i tink i translet correct ba.. lolx.. tt wat u said to me tt time.. lolx.. if not i copy u emo again.. lolx..

oh ya.. a gd news for dear.. my sis got one friend, her results okok onli.. then she got accepted to ntu accountancy and finance which is her 3rd choice instead of her 2nd choice which is ntu buz admin.. u got hope le.. lolx..

DUN EMO LIAO AR TENG KIAN BOON! or else i call 'orange' eat u up.. lolx..

2009-04-27T15:16:00.002+08:00

i dunnoe wat to do.. i really dunnoe..

i dun wan to force him but ppl are forcing me and giving me pressure..

but when i gathered all my courage to do so, he often show great resistance which makes me feel so tired, helpless and weak..

i seriously dunnoe wat to do..

trying to stay happy and not get affected by it while looking for the best solution..

i noe it is a prob tt i can nv avoid..

2009-04-27T15:03:00.002+08:00

As wat i have promise... Pic of my 2 new dress..

2009-04-27T00:55:00.002+08:00

had a long and tiring day todae..

after church my dad brought us to bugis to shop cos my mom pester him to bring her go tis fashion buy clothes cos tis mth is my auntie's bday and the tis fashion card belongs to her.. lolx.. which means more discount..

it started raining when we were having our lunch.. so somehow stuck at the hawker centre then my dad in the end order desserts to eat.. lolx.. spend time 'wisely' there.. lolx..

initially didn have the thought of buying any clothes frm tis fashion de.. cos the clothes there getting more auntie each time.. but somehow i saw afew piece which are pleasing.. lolx.. in the end i bought 2 dress.. lolx.. both associated to purple.. lolx.. will post the pic another time.. hehe..

but i like abit regret not buying tt another piece.. its actually sth like a black vest frm behind but infront look like cardigan.. dun really noe how to explain.. gracia and jialin might noe.. cos we 3 were hoping to buy sth similar to it.. but hor.. tt thing actually comes together wif a very ugly t-shirt.. i scare my parents wldn allow me to buy and 'throw' the t-shirt away so in the end i didn buy.. but i keep tinking of it frm jus nw till nw.. its very nice and cheap somemore.. haiz.. shld i go bac and buy behind my parents back?

had 3 mosq bites on my leg.. the one on my right leg toe actually look swollen.. dunnoe y.. find it very irritating..

suddenly yearn for someone to cuddle me to slp.. lolx..

2009-04-24T23:21:00.003+08:00

forgot a very impt thing.. i wan to thanks jiaen for helping to change my blogskin and adding song to my blog.. THANK YOU!!!

i now at jialin hse.. lolx.. staying over at her hse tonite cos tml need to go sch very very early.. go her hse slp can slp abit more.. lolx.. poor us.. lolx..

2009-04-22T23:43:00.004+08:00

OH YES!! 김범 / Kim Bum who acted as xi men in the korean version of liu xing hua yuan is older then me.. by around 1mth.. lolx.. he super super handsome lor.. so gentle to xiao you inside the show.. the scene where he help xiao you revenge again her ex-bf.. so swt.. i got smitten by him.. his height of 181cm has hit my bf approve height.. lolx..

김현중 / Kim Hyun Joong who acted as Huaze Lei also handsome.. older then me 3yrs.. his height also fulfil my height requirement.. wahaha.. my sis intro me to a song sang by his grp (SS5001) call 'Ur Man' then it sort of stayed inside my brain.. dunnoe y..

But overall, i like Kim Bum more while my sis like Kim Hyun Joong more.. i guess is their style and our taste diff ba.. wahaha..

2009-04-22T18:30:00.002+08:00

my thumb sort of swollen.. lolx.. i got 2 mosq bites on my right thumb.. so itchy..

i tink econs lesson is going to kill me soon.. its getting harder..

recently i got tis sudden feel (not really urge) to buy cosmentic.. lolx.. weird.. its really sudden.. cos last time i find putting makeup is a waste of time cos i dunnoe how to put and my skin itsn tt very gd.. lolx.. but somehow ppl cannot deny the fact tt makeup do make ppl look nicer.. lolx.. shld i? lolx..

lolx.. i'm now looking at the fridge delivery man installing my hse new fridge.. lolx.. ya.. my hse got 2 fridge now.. it seems like my mom is feeding pigs.. lolx.. but somehow.. both my sis and i dun really grow.. lolx..

2009-04-20T16:17:00.002+08:00

fianlly here to update my blog.. lolx..

started with my bridging course le.. wat can i say.. its really very hard but i'm still able to catch up with wat the teacher had taught.. weird timtable of nite and extreme morning lessons.. my aim now is to pass bridging and ignore all offers frm local uni unless they offer degree in accountancy to me.. lolx.. which i tink i will onli happen in my dreams.. lolx..

seriously i tink after my uni life, i wldn mind travelling frm one end till the another end cos i will get used to it during the 2yrs in uni..

graduation ceremony on 25th may.. not inviting anyone.. gave up my 2 invitation to jialin.. doubt tt i will be going out after tt cos everyone have either their parents or friends there to support them.. my parents are onli intrerested in my uni graduation.. can u imagine that my parents will be able to settle all the uni graduation ceremony within 4yrs.. lolx.. nxt yr my sis after tt will be me then 4yrs lata my younger sis..

other then attending lessons, i have been rotting at home.. no money so have to stay at home.. i manage to find a cheap new bag and sandal for myself.. seems like i going to be like a auntie soon.. finding everywhere for cheap stuff.. hope that after bridging i will be able to find a temporary job.. got a feeling shld be retail cos i tink tts the onli job tt i can continue wif even after sch officially starts.. unless i find another home data entry job again (impossible i tink)..

time spend with dear.. getting lesser each mth.. he currently working at IRAS now.. i tink tis situation will continue even after he enter army.. getting used to it now.. 'single' during wkdays, attached on wkends.. lolx.. jokes..

have been hoping and praying hard tt he receive an offer letter frm any one of the local uni.. wanted to tell him tt its local uni loss if they dun send him the offer letter.. SIM-UOL itsn a bad choice after all.. shorter.. faster.. with honors.. nearer to ur hse.. no matter wat at least he have a backup.. wanted him not to worry so much.. but whenever it hits tis topic, i will sort of have disagreement with him.. somehow it seems to be the topic which i'm extremely sensitive to..

i manage to find part of the cheerful me bac.. didn really tink so much nowadays.. have been laughing alot too.. maybe its true tt i lose the initial me by giving myself too much pressure, trying to hit my dad's high expectation..

2009-03-23T00:40:00.002+08:00

i sometimes really wonder.. in wat ways will it do me gd for being so helpful.. helping ppl with all my might n strength.. ma fan-ing my friends to help my other friends or my sis.. when it dun benefit me at all..

sometime i wonder.. will all my friends help me when i'm in trouble? in my memory not all..

i seriously going to have spilt personality soon if tis goes on..

2009-03-20T21:35:00.002+08:00

so fan.. everything making me very fan..

1st fan: my family

i seriously dun feel much love n warmth frm my family.. my hse now become like a place for slping to me.. i will grab any opportunity to get out of the hse and stayover at ppl's hse.. my friends dun wanna to grow up so fast but for me, growing up as fast as possible is the best solution to all my probs.. or shld i say most of the probs..

2nd fan: my education

i dunnoe whether choosing accountancy and finance is really the best choice for me to survive in tis world.. my friend said tt she friend told her tt its a difficult course.. i seriously have no confidence.. i also have to start the make friends cycle again.. i have been in tt cycle twice.. i seriously dun like it.. but.. no choice..

adding to the burden.. acceptance of local uni.. if they really send me the acceptance letter right after i start my bridging course for UOL, i really can faint.. there goes my $700++.. y can't those uni coordinate.. y muz they make our life so miserable.. haiz..

3rd fan: my personality

i keep super quiet when i'm in a new environment.. i bet many of u have tt prob.. but.. mine is at the serious end.. after trying so many years.. theres no improvement and its driving me crazy.. how can i blend well into any environment.. how can i be likeable and accepted by everybody.. i tried hard to blend into his environment.. initiately, i thought i did well.. but i start to find it xin ku.. i didn give up.. am still trying very hard..

however, there is a part where its impossible for me to change.. i'm tore in between.. both of them are impt to me.. y m i always force to make tis decision.. i jus cant get rid of it after running away frm it..

i do sound like a troubled kid.. being having to hide everything inside is very xin ku.. i hope to find the solutions thru enduring all tis..

2009-03-17T23:23:00.001+08:00

very sad..

very disappointed..

very depressed..

hard work doesn pay off..

blame myself for being so stupid..

dun wanna tok abt it..

2009-03-04T13:49:00.002+08:00

all of a sudden, out of no where, i got a big baluku at the top of my head.. it hurts.. it gives me headache.. i clearly rmb tt i didn knock until anything.. wat is the cause of it.. i dunnoe.. i'm scare..

but my leg got quite a few blueblacks.. i keep knocking until my hse furniture.. dunnoe y..

no wei kou also..

no mood..

2009-02-25T23:20:00.002+08:00

Its finally over.. YES!!! finally i can give myself some rest.. haven been really resting since TEP.. its like TEP le then study then IPP then study.. finally.. its all over.. i really hope tt my hardwork pays..

My dad has been giving me pressure.. he hopes tt i make it to SMU.. but i somehow prefer UOL.. a faster road to a degree although its all the way at clementi.. haiz.. so no choice have to force myself to do well for tis exam hopefully to qualify for a place in SMU.. but somehow.. the future in SMU seems blur.. haiz..

the most impt thing right now is to find a job.. totally disappointed with the fact tt both my dad n my younger sis dun really seems to understand the really pic of our family income.. all tis things have made me very tired over tis few yrs..

Looking forward to Gillian's 21st Bday and gathering with all my jie mei..

2009-02-20T22:48:00.002+08:00

3 more papers to go..

i'm alrdy very tired n exhausted le..

feel like breaking down..

but have to hang on there..

sad.. i have yet to celebrate V'day with dear..

25th feb faster come!! i wan my V'day celebration!!!

2009-02-18T10:15:00.001+08:00

2009-01-09T22:16:00.002+08:00

i'm sad.. angry.. disappointed.. tired..

tryin so hard not to cry..

my hard work didn pay off in the end..

there isn a corner in my hse which belongs to me

a corner for me to cry..

struggling to be a strong gal..

seems hard..

but still trying..

2009-01-08T23:53:00.002+08:00

thank you dear for ur shoulder.. it really help alot.. i do feel alot better now.. i really dunno wat i will do to myself if u wasn by my side..

2008-12-28T13:16:00.015+08:00

had a wonderful wk due to christmas and dear's bday... really had alot of fun.. and i had to admit i really isn't gd at planning surprises and keeping it frm the person.. lolx..

Dear's bday (27th Dec - Sat)

went to dear's hse to stay on fri cos i wanted to the first to wish him personally and give him his present after 12am.. lolx.. and i did it.. yeah..

Dear's present from ME!

A closer view of the present...

he say he xin tong for me cos he noe the wallet very ex.. but i noe its all worth it! y did i say i'm not gd at keeping the surprises a secret is cos.. dear manage to "tao wo de hua" as to wat i had plan for him on his bday.. so he noe wat are we going to eat but dunnoe which is for dinner which is for lunch and where we were going.. initiately he guess tt i had plan gillian they all to suddenly appear during lunch or dinner de but i manage to bluff him but b4 he reach causeway pt for dinner, my expressions and actions gave me away.. lolx.. I wonder y can’t he jus act dumb.. lolx..

we went to marina sq swensen for lunch.. knew they had tis bday ice-cream thing so I brought him there..

Free bday ice-cream for dear from swesen.. i forgot to tell him not to blow off the fire first..

Our side dish - cheese stix

Random pic - me and him (inside the mirror behind me)

"surprise dinner party" was plan at woodland.. wanted to reach casuseway at 6.45pm de.. so didn stop dear frm going bac espirt to try shirt.. in the end how i noe gillian, gracia, jialin, aiqun and fang shui all reach at 6pm.. i panic when i received gillian's call.. i was tinkin how to rush dear but wldn make it so ming xian.. then they call me to tell him i hungry le.. no choice but to use tt.. somehow he got suspecious.. cos i was walking real fast.. he keep askin me who call, y walk so fast, y my face like wan to cry liao n etc.. make me really dunnoe how to ans him leh.. lolx.. i tink i did kind of tok alot of no sense rubbish to him.. lolx..

i was walkin straight to pastamania when reached causeway pt then dear ask me sth, "how come u noe the exact location of pastamania?" i shocked leh.. lolx.. obviously is cos gillian told me where la.. then i bluff him say i rmb the floor but dunnoe the exact location.. he told me he saw his cousin i double shock.. i scare he wan sit wif his cousin but in the end is he mistaken fang shui as his cousin..

had a wonderful dinner laughing.. jialin they all surprise him again wif a small cake.. he ask me when buying food whether are they buyin cake.. i bluff him say dun have.. he say if really got dun sing the bday so too loud.. lolx.. me and jialin sang real loud.. lolx..

we went arcade after tt.. all of us play until very high lor..

hope dear had a enjoyable bday tis yr (although he sort of guess wat i had planned)..

Christmas (25th Dec - Thur)

had an enjoyable day wif dear at orchard..

Jialin gave me tis for christmas present..

Dear's christmas present frm ME! (a massager)

My christmas present frm DEAR! (a couple hp key chain)

2008-12-21T17:15:00.002+08:00

idiot asshole.. he thought he wat ar.. order ppl to do tis do tt.. he's not even the teacher lor.. wat makes him tink tt the first 2 para confirm is useless and wldn earn us any marks.. how to make the correct decision when u can't even differentiate between those two.. ur advise ur advise.. u thought ppl nv thought if tt before meh.. u thought very easy to give examples ar..

stop giving ppl the feeling u are superior when u r jus an asshole..

2008-12-20T12:12:00.002+08:00

finally i went to cut my hair le.. i got 4-5mths nv go trim le.. auntie say my hair grow until very heavy.. lolx.. feel lighter now.. lolx.. but somehow i tink i cut my fringe too short le.. like abit kiddy.. lolx.. hopefully it will turn out nice during CNY.. hehe..

2008-12-15T23:37:00.000+08:00

2008-12-15T22:06:00.002+08:00

i'm tired.. tired of how my dad treat me.. he completely treat me as if i'm transparent.. he makes it until as if everything tt happen is my fault.. wat have i done wrong in the first place.. is asking my allowance frm him my fault? him being unable to give me allowance frm sch reopen till now my fault? he even ask me to pay for my own mobile phone bill when i dun ven have a source of income now.. dun tell me all of tis my fault?

i m really very tired and sick of it.. i still have to worry abt all my projs and tests.. i still have to worry abt my future direction.. is like now i can't even feel the warmth a home shld have.. is tis really considered to be my home?

2008-12-05T22:01:00.002+08:00

SAD!!! i failed my 2.4km by 2mins.. i pass all my other station with at least 3pts and above leh.. then i failed my 2.4km.. was very very disappointed in myself.. somemore after i take out my shoe, leg cramp.. cramp so long lor.. disappointed..

2008-12-03T15:57:00.002+08:00

Always there for me to depend on..

Got the certificate for outstanding academic performance for last sem.. was shock cos didn expect myself to be admitted to the director's list.. was happy cos my effort paid off.. lolx.. hopefully i'm able to maintain it for tis sem too..

Went for my one yr once retainer check at NDC.. change of dentist.. from one which look gong gong to one super duper nice and pretty de.. hehe.. she alway smile when tokin to me.. lolx.. tok to me like da jie jie like tt.. lolx.. how i wish i can be like her when i become 20+.. pretty and successful in career..

2008-11-27T23:39:00.002+08:00

having headache tis past few days.. massive loss of blood.. lolx.. jus now very scary.. saw my houses spinning.. faster sit down close eyes.. open eyes tt time still got abit then i faster close bac.. after tt open ok le..

got a feeling my body not as strong as last time le.. stay up late too much i guess.. no choice.. everybody also staying up late to rush assignments.. jiayou ba all my friends.. i noe we can overcome all tis de.. graduation is jus afew mths ahead.. JIAYOU!!

somehow i have been tryin to bury myself with work to stop myself frm tinkin abt wats going on in my family.. it seems to me like i drafting further away frm my family.. but i dun really noe wats going on in between tt is wrong.. haiz..

sometimes i wonder y i have to make myself look strong outside.. how i wish i was born in the past where gals dun need much education.. jus marry a gd husband can le.. lolx.. impossible for now i tink..

2008-11-25T23:59:00.001+08:00

YEAH! i win the war.. wahaha.. my dad giving me pocket $$ le.. althought he reduce my allowance but its better then nth.. lolx.. actually i alrdy prepare for the worse le.. as long as he still pays for my bus concession can le cos tt one really very ex.. but since he gave in (partly), i dun mind.. but i still have to be mindful of how i spend cos my allowance reduce le..

but come to tink of it.. m i really selfish? like wat he said to my mom tis morning.. m i really not a understanding gal? m i really tt bad? ok.. i promise to really study hard and let my parents have gd life nxt time.. m i really tt bad? haiz..

i really appreciate those who offered to help me.. THX!! makes me realise i got true friends everywhere.. hehe..

i also appreciate wat dear has done.. trying so hard to make a gal who cried until like puffer fish laugh.. i tink onli u can do it.. lolx.. reward for u (MUACKs).. lolx..

2008-11-24T23:51:00.003+08:00

I HATE MY DAD!!!

From young i didn blame him for not being a rich daddy..

i didn blame him for not being able to fulfill my wants..

i try my very best to meet his expectations, hoping to earn alot of $$ to let them have gd life in the future..

i'm happy as long as one family is united and tt all needs are met...

but i'm truely disappointed..

very disappointed..

As i grow to understand more things each day, i realise he is the cause of me not being able to fulfill my needs..

I HATE YOU!

u dun even wan to provide me wif pocket money now..

i really dun understand y.. its not as if u lose ur job..

my pocket money dun even exceed $50 per wk..

i didn dare to complain cos i noe money hard to earn..

u make me realise not all parents will give the best to their children..

i wldn wan to include u in my future plan anymore..

DISAPPOINTED!

2008-11-19T10:54:00.002+08:00

3 weeks of sch pass le.. but somehow i still find myself slacking.. cannot slack anymore le.. have to buck up le.. the submission date of afew ica1 coming le.. have to also start revising le.. cos got afew modules i dun really understand.. haiz..

last 2 wks can be said to be very eventful.. lolx.. i sort of quarrelled with dear.. somehow is cos of some silly things.. lolx.. tinkin bac i really find myself very silly.. lolx.. silly me quarrel over silly stuffs.. lolx.. but we'r fine now.. hehe.. ppl can stop worrying le..

Things aim to finish by todaë:
- Tutorials
- HRM ICA1
- research on IB ICA1
- find a suitable shirt for dear's dad as his present (difficult)
- finish compiling PFPLI tut2 ans (half done)

JIAYOU JANICE! lolx.. JIAYOU FOR ALL MY SWTHEARTS OUT THERE!
*gra (if u are lookin).. dun slack anymore le.. try to finish all ur tuts by wkends..

2008-11-01T14:15:00.002+08:00

Dear got fever last nite.. was so worried abt him lor.. everytime say going fall sick liao then now really sick.. 38.3 somemore.. so big liao still dunnoe how to take gd care of himself.. lucky now ok le.. fever no more le.. wanted to go his hse to see him de lor.. but he dun let.. somemore i forgot to top my ez-link card then inside left with $2 onli.. haiz..

ytd was my last day of attachment.. can say to have a mixture of feelings.. happy cos i no need to wake up early everyday liao then can go bac to sch to see all my friends.. but sad cos i made some very gd friends there like songren and augustine although augustine left le.. poor songren have to suffer alone there.. oh ya.. also got a np intern call liwen.. a very swt and lovely gal.. lolx.. actually i dun mind attachment longer but nvm.. now muz chong report liao.. really hope my report is up to standard..

but tis few days see the report really sian lor.. still got half of it not completed.. actually started early de.. but somehow as my workload got heavier, i entirely forgot all abt the report.. lolx.. got a testimontial frm my supevisor but somehow it doesn really seems useful.. lolx.. nvm.. i will still pass it up and hopefully it do help.. lolx..

2008-09-22T22:37:00.003+08:00

dun force me.. i very scare.. i scare tt history will repeat itself.. dun force me to face it.. i dun like reality..

I CAN'T AFFORD TO LOSE YOU!

i rather disappear then to face it..

2008-09-19T19:06:00.000+08:00

tired.. suffocated.. confuse.. burdened..

2008-09-16T22:00:00.001+08:00

SO TIRED!!! lolx.. 4th wk of attachment le.. shld i say time pass very fast or shld i say time pass faster!! lolx.. every morning got tons and tons of things need to do but after lunch can rot.. y is my department so not balance.. lolx.. i noe.. jialin they all sure say like tt gd cos i wldn have OT de.. lolx.. cos US market ma.. hehe..

got bac last sem results todae.. hmm.. very happy with my results.. shld say to be the best results i ever had.. i thought gracia was playing a trick on me when she msg me my results.. lolx.. i really felt tt my effort had been paid off.. lolx.. but.. i still have to jiayou for IPP and nxt sem cos my gpa still need to climb higher.. shld have work harder during yr1 sem1.. haiz..

to all my friends who are disappointed with their results.. jiayou for IPP and nxt sem!! i noe u all can do it de!!

2008-09-09T22:11:00.000+08:00

so tired.. although i have been slping early but i keep having nitemare.. the spiders and xiao qiang nitemare come bac again.. alrdy very long dun have tis nitemare liao.. dunnoe y suddenly come bac again..

2008-08-20T20:20:00.002+08:00

save me..

i felt as if the stack of GSO notes jus buried me..

silly me.. i didn touch GSO until todae..

hope i can finish memorising it by tml nite..

2008-08-19T20:25:00.002+08:00

one last paper b4 attachment..

Mentally Exhausted..

2008-08-16T20:58:00.002+08:00

investment and cmfi theories are driving me crazy.. especially investment..

mentally worn out..

6 more days b4 i'm free..

2008-08-13T22:38:00.008+08:00

i'm officially 19yrs ol d le.. yeah.. lolx.. first day of my 19yrs old life was ok.. i woke up at 10.30am.. lolx.. and studied FAA the whole day.. so abit sian.. lolx..

i had an enjoyable bday ytd.. lolx.. went to dear's hse early in the morning.. i was still tinkin of wat surprise dear will be giving me but... i saw a mini couple lab paper bag in his cupboard when i put my bag in his rm.. so i took it out to look at it.. and when i open it.. i saw a necklace with my name on it.. lolx..

dear saw me holding the box then he say y i go take the present.. lolx.. he put at such a ming xian place.. of cos i will itchy hand go open la.. then he say he actually wanted to place it on his table but decided to "hide" it.. lolx..

i like the present alot.. lolx.. dear say the necklace is stainless steel de.. lolx.. hopefully wldn rust or change colour.. lolx.. after tt we went to watch money not enough2.. the movie very nice.. funny and sad.. the old folks home part reminds me of my aunite sending my ah gong to the old folks home.. haiz.. i cried lor.. the hospital part also very sad.. i tink dear cried too but he say is laugh until got tears.. lolx.. onli he noe which one is true.. lolx..

dinner was at waraku.. all my sec sch fellow cca mate recommend de.. lolx.. the food was delicious.. hehe.. i like the atmosphere too.. but sad.. due to some reason wasn able to eat their ice-cream.. but nvm.. i will still have chance nxt time.. hehe..

although my 19yrs old bday wasn tt surprising and eventful as my 18yrs old bday (dear shld noe y) but i'm very happy to spend it wif dear.. lolx.. i had a swt bday tis yr and i enjoy it very much.. hehe.. THANK YOU DEAR!

Dear's present for me..

2008-08-08T13:33:00.002+08:00

sian sian sian.. study investment until sian.. although i recover frm my dry cough le, but my block nose still here.. somemore now its making one of my ear block.. it happen quite afew times in a day lor.. so irritating.. make me cannot hear properly.. then like ur brain fluid not balance like tt..

Jiayou Jiayou.. still got one wk more then exams le..

4 more days.. hehe...

2008-08-07T15:59:00.002+08:00

wasn't feeling well past few days.. was down with sore throat tt leads to block nose and dry cough.. feeling better now.. the dry cough can be very irritating.. i keep coughing thru out tue nite.. then still have to wake up at 6.30am to go sch.. my mom more kau zhang.. she made me drink all kinds of herbal tea but like of no use.. lolx.. i onli noe i keep drinking water cos i keep feeling my throat very dry, very thirsty..

have been studying for exams also.. but i onli touched cmfi so far.. hopefully i got enough time to revise for faa and especially for investment..

5 more days.. lolx..

2008-07-18T20:51:00.007+08:00

had a tiring wk tis wk.. but to me is very enjoyable.. lolx.. cos i celebrated my one yr anniversary with dear on wed.. lolx.. somemore tt day onli got gso from 9am to 10am.. lolx.. so we had a long celebration.. hehe..

after sch we went bac to his hse first to put his present and take my present.. had a short rest while he go bath, change and wax his hair.. lolx.. i waited until my stomach hungry.. lolx.. after tt he ask me go toilet so i very guai go toilet.. but tts when he is up to no gd.. lolx.. when leaving his rm i found my bag abit untidy and fat so i go open my bag.. i got a shock.. lolx.. cos at first he told me he giving me 2 bags for present onli so i thought tis time round no surprise liao.. but i found a pink colour box inside my bag.. lolx.. his third present for me, a pink colour wallet.. i was super surprise and touched.. lolx..

we had our lunch at suntec pizza hut.. a really full and enjoyable lunch i shld say.. after tt we went to walk suntec and marina sq.. when walking, dear say he got another surprise for me.. he say he bringing me to the singapore flyer.. at first i thought he joking... then i say not funny.. then he say he not bluffing leh.. i super shock lor.. singapore flyer very ex leh.. but tts the activity for tt nite.. lolx..

jus when i thought he got no more surprises for me.. he suddenly told me after dinner tt he got another surprise for me.. my third surprise for the day.. lolx.. he ask me sit down and open my bag present.. so i open and saw a blouse and a watch inside.. lolx.. he bought me a total of 5 presents leh.. lolx.. i was super duper touched.. my tears nearly flow out but i controlled cos public leh.. lolx..

we were so lucky lor.. we had a cabin all to ourselve for the singapore flyer.. lolx.. cos at nite not much ppl.. lolx.. cool rite.. the view up there super beautiful.. lolx.. but a pity both of our hp no flash de.. so all the pics we took all dark dark de.. if dear tell me earlier then i will have brought my digital cam le.. but if he tell me earlier then no surprise le.. lolx..

i really enjoyed myself tt day.. thank you dear for all the surprises and presents u had gave me.. i noe u dote me the most le.. lolx.. and also the one who spoil me the most.. lolx..

2008-07-11T22:37:00.002+08:00

todae simon bday.. so being nice i gave him a bday msg early in the morning to wake him up.. lolx.. tis is to prevent him frm reaching late again for proj.. but somehow he reached sch at 11am when our meetin time is 10am.. but nvm.. cos his parents gave him a small surprise.. i shall forgive him since its his bday.. lolx..

super tired now cos slept around 12.30am ytd.. but compared to gracia, jialin and kim.. small case.. they all either didn slp or slept onli for afew hrs.. poor thing.. have to rush out their cmfi report and presentation.. but its all over for them.. left my class haven present yet..

got bac my investment results todae.. it actually decide the size of the ice-cream i treating phua jia and gracia.. lolx.. i told them say if i win 3 out of 4 bets i will treat them swensen or ben and jerry.. but so sad.. i manage to win 2 out of our 4 bets.. lolx.. maybe i see la.. but i still treating them swensen.. but not at tis period of time cos i'm officially broke now..

i'm broke cos i jus bought a dress todae.. lolx.. i bought it specially for wed.. lolx.. me and dear one yr anniversary.. i want to give dear a very big surprise.. lolx.. so i cannot pose the pic up yet.. hehe.. but i scare end up will be a very big surprise to those who going to see me on wed.. lolx.. gracia they all say lata i wear tt then dear go wear t-shirt, they will faint.. lolx.. dear.. if u saw tis blog i guess u shld noe wat to do ba..

but hor.. actually he can go home and change de la.. cos i dun tink i wan him to bring his present with him everywhere he go.. i scare make spoil.. lolx.. but in the end is see his decision la.. lolx..

hope everything will go very smoothly for everybody nxt wk.. can sense tt many ppl are falling sick.. so to all my friend, pls take gd care of ur health..

2008-07-07T22:58:00.002+08:00

so tired todae.. having backache and leg ache todae.. and not forgetting neck ache.. lolx.. got bac both ica1 and ica2 for crm.. was super nervous and scary b4 i got bac my results.. had a bad feeling.. cos for ica2 i'm like the onli person teacher terminated my service.. the onli person tt didn manage to keep the customer frm terminating her service.. then i thought i did badly for service recovery.. but looking at the marks.. can say got happy and sad.. happy cos i did quite well.. lolx.. sad cos my ica1 i miss A by 1.5marks and for ica2 i miss A by 2 marks.. and sad cos dear didn really do well.. but he also nv do very badly.. then see he like abit sad sad de.. somemore b4 tt he still an wei me say i wldn do very badly de..

Finally finish my grp's cmfi report todae.. lolx.. actually most of the credit goes to yunting and guojie.. they 2 are really like the pillars of my grp.. hope my little parts are of some significants.. lolx.. but last of all i really wan to commit everything to the Lord's hand.. pray tt the presentation will be a smooth one.. and my grp will be able to pluck the A frm teacher's hand..

2008-07-06T19:12:00.002+08:00

sat went to gracia's friends hse for blood test.. to help her friend for her FYP.. had 6small holes on my fingers now.. lolx.. ok la.. not pain de.. but abit worrying.. cos the blood test thing is to test how fast our blood react to the sugar tt we drink or eat.. then my initial amount higher then other ppl.. so my sugar lvl abit higher then ppl.. after tt my sugar lvl increase until quite high.. highest i tink.. worrying leh.. i scare i got abit diabetes leh.. dear say i muz cut down on my sugar intake and drink more water.. haiz.. how can a person who like to eat sweet things resist the temptation.. haiz.. took a pic while waiting for gracia..

2008-07-02T22:12:00.006+08:00

TEP award todae.. yeah!! really wan to thanks those lecturers of FSRC for giving me tis outstanding performance award.. was a wonderful ceremony.. they gave us 2 super small bottle of perfume for door gift.. lolx.. and their refreshments taste nice too.. lolx.. come to tink of tt.. actually i abit miss the tep days.. althought need to wake up super early everyday and go home in squeezy buses, at least the days are much more relaxing compare to now.. took some pics.. lolx.. but still got more pics with gracia.. lolx..

feeling abit moody now.. i can sense tt 2 of my sec sch friends actually blame me for not turning up for the gathering todae.. both of them said that i didn have a gd time management.. one even said tt i didn try to set aside time for them.. i wonder have they tried standing at my position and tink.. the gatherings always falls on days which i have presentation or during the period where i need to rush afew projs on hand at the same time.. i hardly have enough slp everynite..

i noe tt they are also busy but i can't always leave my group to struggle by themselves while i go enjoy myself.. make me look as if i very irresponsible.. i really m very sry to the 3 of them.. hope they can understand my situation..

2008-06-28T19:38:00.004+08:00

yeah finally cut my hair le.. erm.. shorter then i actually wanted to cut.. but ok la.. my sis say still the same pattern but shorter length.. then i let jialin see my pic.. she say nice.. so i tink its nice ba.. lolx.. but somehow i scare the tail of my hair will qiao qiao cos my hair got abit natural curl.. oh boy.. dun care le la.. also cannot stick my hair bac.. lolx..

2008-06-28T10:19:00.002+08:00

*yawn* so tired.. my mom woke me up at around 9plus.. actually she wanted to wake my sis up to go teach tution de but end up her voice too loud.. wake me up also.. then i toss and turn till 9.45am hten i rmb i need to go save the closing price of the US market.. i faster jump up frm my bed and switch on my laptop.. i also helped jialin to save her grp.. cos she and gra both busy in the morning.. i tink ah ma still slping then yx and fs.. nvm.. lolx..

yeah.. finally going to cut or shld i say trim my hair todae.. i tink i got like 6mths nv cut le.. so my fringe quite long le.. then nxt wk onwards got quite a number of event so i tink i need a hair cut.. to look neater.. lolx.. hope it will turn out nice ba.. i try to post a pic of my after hair cut hairstyle.. but i tink onli the fringe will look diff ba.. lolx.. cos i dunnoe wat hairstyle suits me other then the current one.. i actually abit envy nicole.. her hair so silky so nice.. and no matter wat hairstyle she cut also look nice on her..

2008-06-17T21:44:00.002+08:00

so tired.. have been doing proj all the day.. frm investment to entrepre to cmfi non-stop.. y yr 3 projs so hard and complicated.. it really makes us feel tired both physically and mentally.. how i wish we can faster complete yr3.. it has been quite some time since i had enough slp.. and i tink i look more and more like a panda le.. haiz..

todae had to face with a prob tt i had been avoiding.. but i intend to keep avoiding it.. cos i noe it will eventually have an ans afew years down the road.. so dear, dun worry so much.. cos no matter wat it will not stop me frm being with u..

2008-06-17T09:27:00.002+08:00

so slpy so tired.. but i still manage to crawl out frm my cosy bed.. now in sch waiting for my grpmates to come.. sian sian.. all the projs all halfway done onli.. everybody struggling to complete it.. haiz.. my mom dun even noe i having 2-wks break now cos i everyday have to wake up early go sch do proj..

JIAYOU BA JANICE!!!

2008-06-13T15:54:00.002+08:00

so so so sian.. in sch now doing proj.. but i slacking.. cos jus now we jus battled our entrepre survey Qs.. we manage to squeeze the Qs out frm all our brain.. my brain juice left abit onli.. actually wat jialin said is true leh.. we onli got 4projs while they got 6projs.. but tis 4projs really killer leh.. especially cmfi.. really make me very headache..

ppl always say poly life very easy then JC like suffering but i tink time have change.. poly life are now more torturing then JC life.. one proj can really wan our life.. somemore within our 3 yrs we got tons of projs need to do.. no wonder we really mature faster then JC students.. lolx.. we are expose to the society so much earlier then JC students..

2008-06-10T21:50:00.002+08:00

somebody save me.. i'm feeling so terible.. i wan to cry but i can't.. i can't cos its a sign tt i'm not strong enough.. i can't cos i dun wan ppl to noe.. i can't cos i go no where quiet and dark to hide and cry.. i can't.. the feeling of having to bear everything inside is terible.. i wan to escape but i'm too weak.. who can save me frm tis cruel world..

i'm tired.. how i wish sometime i can slp and nv wake up..

2008-06-08T15:55:00.002+08:00

so tired.. jus came bac from spec shop.. yeah.. my dad brought me to make new spec.. finally.. cos my old spec makes me giddy and dear and simon say i look like a granny with my old spec.. my sis help me choose a spec that didn make me look very fierce.. the main frame is light grey while its light green at the side.. hope i made the right decision tis time..

i finally bought a slipper ytd.. lolx.. it has been a few mths since i started telling my family and dear tt i need to buy a slipper.. lolx.. but i tink the credit goes to dear cos ytd he said no matter wat i muz buy my slipper todae.. so he pei me combed the whole of far east b4 i decided to buy a slipper frm mondo.. within my $20 budget.. lolx.. i also bought a slim sliver belt ytd.. fulfilling my another wants.. lolx.. now i left with a watch, clothes, bag and pants.. lolx.. maybe another slipper.. but tt can wait i tink.. lolx..

ytd morning went for a mini blood test session.. lolx.. is to help gracia friend madeline with her FYP thing.. lolx.. my dad bluff me lor.. he everytime say i no blood de then in the end madeline poke tt time got alot of blood lor.. within 2hrs i got 2 holes in each of my middle finger and fourth finger for both hands.. lolx.. i tink by lookin at the result my blood reacts the most to the cup of glucose tt we drank.. lolx..

my 2 wks break starts tml but i tink its more like 2 wks of proj wk ba.. the first wk is alrdy packed with doing projs.. haiz.. i hope tt we will be able to at least complete half of tall the projs b4 the term starts..

2008-05-28T17:03:00.002+08:00

bac to blog again.. jus reach home not long frm sch.. so tired.. i slept on the bus then the journey home was like super fast.. lolx.. still stuck at cmfi tut.. dunnoe teacher wan the ans to be the model or the formula.. haiz.. i seriously need help.. hope dear noe how to do.. lolx.. my help line.. lolx..

THANK YOU GILLIAN!!! thank you for the addidas perfume.. lolx.. was so shocked when she say she wan pay for my addidas perfume.. she say its a gift for me for teaching and helping her.. lolx.. AI SI NI LE!!! lolx.. actually i wldn mind even if u nv buy anything de.. as long as u appreciate my effort and do well.. lolx.. tis are wat friends are for ma..to help each other.. but anyway.. THANK YOU!!!

2008-05-20T20:03:00.002+08:00

yeah.. gillian is finally bac in sch le.. lolx.. was so great to have her bac in class.. i will try my very best to teach her everything tt she miss..

but crm really driving me crazy.. really hope tt i will be able to finish it by thur so tt i can go dear hse to stay on fri.. jia you ba janice.. i noe u can de.. lolx..

boo hoo hoo.. i need to go buy clothes for sch le.. cos my mom jus wash spoil one of my favourite t-shirt.. i actually cried.. but dunnoe izzit cos of tt shirt tt i cried or izzit i too tired liao.. sch really drain out one large part of my energy..

2008-05-15T10:50:00.003+08:00

i jus accepted the fact tt the ugly side of human nature is truely scary.. e.g it let a sweet and nice gal turned into a slient killers who "murder" ppl without being suspected.. truely very scary.. it really makes me dunnoe who to trust other then dear and my jie mei.. frm young i keep telling myself tt tis world is a beautiful world.. the ugly side of human nature onli exist in a small part of tis world.. but as i grow up.. i realise i was wrong.. the ugly-side of human nature existed all around the world.. its making my beautiful world into a black pic..

lucky my world is still as beautiful cos i noe how to use "eraser" to erase all the ugly-side of human nature frm my world.. lolx..